am I at peace with the aftertaste of death?

these are temporary feelings

I will always remember this night

I smoked my first independent cigarette

*Drumroll* boohoo

were you expecting something extraordinary?

na-uhh

I'm a twenty one year old w my decision radar fucked

so I smoked

lip to lip, my gold cylinder

sucked

down to the last flickering firefly,

my stub - a hot red cherry, flicked

ash in the toilet seat

flushed into the depths of a loud sticky sewer full of mice

exhaust fan, an accomplice to my first

smuggled thievery

my breath - ashen

hair, soot scented

lips, I could kiss me all night

my one true love

what does surrender mean to me?